Thank you for coming to my press conference.
Many people describe the Caldecott Honor–winning tome by Robert McCloskey, which recounts my harrowing tale, with words like “precious” and “adorable.”
Truth is, inadvertently switching places with a bear cub and almost being raised and/or eaten by a literal mama bear was a traumatizing experience for me, one which nobody seems to understand.
I can no longer bite my tongue, and I am here today to speak my truth.
I will now take your questions.
What specifically was I afraid of, that day after the baby bear and I accidentally switched places? Well, I feared that the bear mom might abscond with me into the wilds of Maine to raise me as her own, like Tarzan, but without the uncomfortable sensual subtext.
Why didn’t I just run in the other direction? Wow, way to victim blame. Ever heard of Stockholm syndrome?



