Hello, and welcome to our adult friendship. It can be hard to maintain close friendships upon reaching adulthood, and that’s why we’ve streamlined the process into a simple monthly text. Please respond with “lol” to confirm our friendship.
By confirming this friendship, you are agreeing to participate in one friendship confirmation text per month on a variety of subjects. Any subject is acceptable as long as it does not attempt conversations longer than two texts. Text messages that try to continue beyond “hahaha” or “that’s crazy” may be grounds for termination.
Please confirm the friendship within twenty-four hours. Failure to confirm the friendship within the time limit will result in the other party assuming they did something wrong. Did they do something wrong? Maybe they said something insulting? Should they apologize? What would be the point, though? Because they’re probably not even friends anymore because of whatever they did.