1. “And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the Kingdom of God… unless of course that rich man makes over $10 million a year, in which case his wealth will create jobs in the Kingdom of Heaven.” (Matthew 19:24)
2. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. Oh wait, is she trying to get an abortion? Give me that stone.” (John 8:7)
3. “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second commandment is ‘Don’t let trans people compete in women’s sports.’” (Matthew 22:37–40)
4. “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. But especially blessed are those who launch preemptive strikes in the Middle East, for that definitely won’t end badly.” (Matthew 5:9)
5. “Judge not, that ye be not judged. In fact, the judicial branch really shouldn’t be telling the president what to do at all.” (Matthew 7:1)



