1. Grandparents who are alive, healthy, live nearby, and agile enough to get down onto the floor to clean up meals and snacks but not too agile that they would rather be out walking their shih tzus, biking across the Dutch countryside, or doing literally anything else with their time.
2. A parent who can exclusively work from home and their company will happily pay them to jiggle their mouse every hour, leaving plenty of time for the toddler’s requests for the parent to sing twenty-eight rounds of “Down by the Bay.”
3. A Swedish au pair named Maja. Her family is independently wealthy, and she’s just doing this “job” so she’ll have something for her college applications. All she asks is to stay in the guesthouse (that you definitely have) and be paid in Mint Oreos.
4. A community college student named Maya, whom you have scammed into coming to your house every day to be your unpaid intern. She mistakenly believes she will receive credit for a class entitled: “Early Childhood Development and Perpetually Sucking Mucus Through a Straw.”