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Your Wife Never Truly Loved Halloween
She claims she used to be in love with All Hallow’s Eve and that she spent years trying to work things out with the spooky season. But it’s become abundantly clear that she is a liar. Your wife never loved Halloween. And you know what? GOOD. Halloween doesn’t need her anyway. Halloween’s got candy corn, Freddy Krueger, and peeled grapes that feel like eyeballs. And someday, I’m sure Halloween will find someone who loves it for the holiday it truly is, not the idealized holiday she wishes Halloween was.
The Skeleton Wasn’t Really the "Last Straw”
She says the divorce isn’t because of the skeleton; the skeleton is just the latest example of your selfish and irresponsible behavior, and she’s fed up trying to raise her children and an immature man-child husband. But nah, it’s definitely because of the skeleton. If you ask me, she’s probably just jealous that you have a cool giant skeleton. Also, she’s the immature one. And she’s stupid.
Bent on a “mega-deal” security pact with Saudi Arabia, Congress and the Biden administration see their chance.
The post After Israel Killed Hamas Leader, D.C. Pushes to Hand Palestine to Saudi Arabia appeared first on The Intercept.
How should I prepare for my first mammogram?
On the day of your exam, don’t apply deodorant or scented lotions. Also, be sure to remove any nipple piercings, nursing children, and/or tiny nipple top hats.
Will I need to arrive early to fill out paperwork?
Yes. We have efficiently limited the pre-procedure paperwork to a short eleven pages by reducing the print to size-seven font. Feel free to grab a pair of readers from the lost-and-found box. Also, be prepared to detail your entire family’s medical history, including your great-aunt Cornelia’s cup size and nipple circumference to the closest quarter inch.
I assume you will then enter all the information into my chart?
The paperwork is purely performative, and we will shred it immediately after you hand it to us. Be prepared to answer all of these questions again. And again. And again.
Following the state Supreme Court’s last-minute intervention, Roberson is expected to testify next week at a legislative hearing on Texas’s junk science law.
The post Texas Lawmakers’ Unprecedented Actions Halt Robert Roberson’s Execution — For Now appeared first on The Intercept.
Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to acutely personal mini-manifestoes. Read the rest over at 270 Reasons.
Because Trump Doesn’t Read
The Republican Party has become the official party of book bans, and a Trump victory in November will be vigorously celebrated by book banners across the country. The movement, aided by right-wing media, will be even more emboldened to wage pressure campaigns against schools to take books they don’t like off library shelves. Groups that, blind to irony, use words like “liberty” to curtail the liberty of other people’s children to read, will look to challenge and ban more titles.
Rajwani’s imprisonment comes as part of a broader crackdown on pro-Palestinian activism in the UK, with activists facing legal action for direct protests.
The post A Letter From Jailed Palestine Action Activist Fatema Rajwani appeared first on MintPress News.
Guess If These 40 Peripheral Figures in Your Life Actively Despise You or Don’t Know You Exist
What Happy Days Character Are You? You Are Chuck
Here Is Your Bed. This Is Not a Quiz
Can You Guess Whether These 51 Tips to Feel Great Will Work?
I Am Not Genuinely Curious How Many of These Recipes You’ve Stared At
Make a Hot Dog and Use Some of That Full Loaf of Nine-Grain as a Bun, and I’ll Shake My Head At You
You’d Think That by Completing This Quiz About, Shit, I Don’t Know, Cardi B, That You Would Stimulate Yourself in Some Way
How Many of These Party Memories Can You Let Go Of?
You Will Not Reach the End of This Quiz
Whether You Choose Lying on These Couches or Seeing These Bands Live Will Tell Us What We Both Already Know
Which of These Office Supplies Is Probably Your Soulmate?
How Many of These TV Series Have You Binged While Slack-Jawed?
35 Things I Put in a List and Called a Quiz, Go Ahead and Fire Me, Because God Knows I Won’t Build Up the Energy to Quit
The Words “Quit” and “Quiz” Are One Letter Apart and Here’s a Picture of My Knee
According to John Newsinger’s A People’s History of the British Empire, it was the outsourcing of genocide which gave Britain the edge over its European imperial rivals. By ensuring an arms-length distance from the mass slaughter carried out on its behalf, the British state was able to project the image of a more benevolent empire, […]
- by Psyche Film