SEAN: Happy Monday, everyone. This is me, your boss, pretending that the beginning of your forty-hour work week is a good thing. It isn’t. I will now ask about everyone’s weekend and say, “Hope no one did anything I wouldn’t do.” This won’t make sense, as I’m the most boring person here. Now, I’m going to throw things over to our office manager, Kevin.
KEVIN: Let’s kick things off with this week’s calendar. As you can see, we’re up to our eyeballs with work, but I will ask everyone to stretch their bandwidth and reach goals so unachievable that they’ll strain each of our marriages.
STEPHANIE: I am in HR. I smile too much and have a strange energy about me. Once, when someone brought up roller coaster accidents, I said, “Once you see one, you never really forget it.”