I’m here to sound the alarm about the greatest crisis of our time—and it has nothing to do with the usual suspects: climate change, AI taking our jobs, or something about TikTok. It’s the two-sentence headline. Yes, those insidious double declarations that now infest every opinion section, every analysis, every “think piece” about how modernity is falling apart (it is).
Now you might be wondering: Two sentences? Really? Isn’t that just efficiency? Why complain about a little clarity in an otherwise messy world? And to that, I say, “Exactly.” Journalism, at its core, was never meant to be tidy. It was meant to ramble, to overwhelm, to occasionally bury the lede so deep you’d need a headlamp to find it. The two-sentence headline is destroying that sacred chaos. Worse, it’s making us think in neatly packaged dichotomies, and if there’s one thing the human mind abhors more than nuance, it’s being spoon-fed the illusion of nuance.