Dear Mr. Jame Egan, Chief Executive Officer at Lumon Industries,
First, I congratulate you on implementing the severance procedure, which successfully blocks your employees’ memories and knowledge from the outside world when they are at work so they can completely focus on their jobs, unencumbered by distractions from what is happening out there.
The procedure is so wonderful that I want to join your organization as a full-time employee—and I do mean “full-time.” I would like you to set the severance device in my brain fully on “innie” mode for the next four years. I am willing to work nonstop for the entire time if it allows me to avoid the panic attacks I have every day from hearing the news about teenage social media influencers becoming senior government advisors.

