“In a free-wheeling speech to world leaders at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, President Trump… touched on his desire to obtain Greenland from Denmark… America’s contribution to Nato, and wind energy in China.” —BBC
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Fellow knights, I have traveled a great distance to be here in beautiful Davos, Holy Roman Empire, to attend this year’s meeting of the Knights Templar. I come bringing truly phenomenal news from La Mancha. This week marked the one-year anniversary of my knighthood, and after twelve months of roaming the plains atop my trusty steed, Rocinante, I have slain giants, restored chivalry, and transformed our scoundrel-plagued lands into the safest in the known world.
My detractors insist that all of my enemies are imaginary and that I am picking fights with bogeymen simply to satisfy my own deluded fantasies. That just shows you how threatened some people are by the incredible job I’m doing cleaning up La Mancha.