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Created
Thu, 02/05/2024 - 00:30
Campus protests have them hot and bothered House Republicans want to launch investigations into federal funding for universities. Young-uns, like minority groups conservatives disfavor, ought to know their places and stay in them. But no. Around the U.S., students upset at the disproportionate carnage and destruction Israeli forces are visiting upon the Gaza Strip are acting out. Naturally, the Deputy Fifes in the House Republican caucus want to nip that in the bud. The Associated Press reports: House Republicans on Tuesday announced an investigation into the federal funding for universities where students have protested the Israel-Hamas war, broadening a campaign that has placed heavy scrutiny on how presidents at the nation’s most prestigious colleges have dealt with reports of antisemitism on campus.
Created
Wed, 01/05/2024 - 23:00

In this column, professional speechwriter Chandler Dean provides partly satirical, partly genuine “How To” advice focused on a hyper-specific subcategory of speeches—from graduation speeches to wedding toasts to eulogies, and all the rhetorical occasions in between.

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Hey, guess what? Show-and-tell is coming up. That’s one of the best days of kindergarten ever. And that means you’ll be giving your very first speech of your whole life. (Unless you were valedictorian of your preschool, in which case I loved that inspiring story you told at commencement about how one time the cafeteria only had regular milk instead of chocolate milk, but you didn’t even cry.)

Here’s how to get an A+.

Bring something you think is awesome.

Created
Wed, 01/05/2024 - 23:00
Trump’s persona is not even “truthful hyperbole” Ahead of the 2016 election Donald Trump won, The New York Times cited a now-famous paragraph from Donald Trump’s ghost-written “The Art of the Deal.” David Barstow wrote: “I call it truthful hyperbole. It’s an innocent form of exaggeration — and a very effective form of promotion.” For example, in the now-infamous Trump University litigation, Mr. Trump was asked in a deposition about a script that had been prepared for Trump University instructors. According to the script, the instructors were supposed to tell their students the following: “I remember one time Mr. Trump said to us over dinner, he said, ‘Real estate is the only market that, when there’s a sale going on, people run from the store.’ You don’t want to run from the store.” No such dinners ever took place, Mr. Trump acknowledged. In fact, Mr. Trump struggled to identify a single one of the instructors he claimed to have handpicked, even after he was shown their photographs. Nonetheless, Mr.
Created
Wed, 01/05/2024 - 22:17
The Retard Parade of Western Politics Exemplified By Trump and Biden

We had a joke back in the Bush Jr. administration.

“Evil or stupid? Why not both?”

Bush Jr. was clearly mentally challenged. Cheney was supposedly smart, but he was the type of smart guy who winds up ordering the charge of the Light Brigade: great at internal politics, worthless at anything else.

Biden’s clearly senile (no, don’t even). Trump’s somewhat better, but still makes mistakes frequently and is often incoherent.. We used to sneer at the Soviet politburo of the 70s and 80s, but this worse.

Created
Wed, 01/05/2024 - 22:00

Your dummy Uncle Tim is getting married at sixty-four. His wedding is sure to be a bore. But have no fear, because when those church bells go ringing and Tim’s at the altar smooching, you’ll be in the third row bumping your head, earbuds in, listening to those Dune tunes. Dune: Part Two tunes to be precise. Man, oh man, does Hans Zimmer rock it with those Dune tunes. Guitar riffs and sonic booms. He takes you straight to Dune, riding sandworms in the heat of noon.

Later, when you go to that buffoon Uncle Tim’s reception, and you’re sitting at the rejects table, with all the kids and the goons, you’ll be swinging around a spoon while listening to those Dune tunes. Because the spoon’s a sword and Harkonnens are raiding your ship. All aboard! And the kids will stare and laugh, but you’ll be too busy watching Paul Atreides’s back. Paul’s the chosen one, that’s for sure. Just ask Stilgar and the desert ladies. Hail Atreides!

Created
Wed, 01/05/2024 - 21:09

The billionaire Warren Buffet famously said once, ‘There’s class warfare, all right, but it’s my class, the rich class, that’s making war, and we’re winning.’  New analysis released by Oxfam this week for International Workers’ Day shows concretely that since 2020, the rich class, as Buffet calls them, are winning big. Global dividend payments to […]