You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.”
I sent an Instagram post to my daughter recently, an apology for some of the ways I’d mothered her before I knew she was autistic. I’d already run the reel of regret in my head many times, remembering flickers of moments when I’d sidestepped her distress or pushed the “ignore” button on her cries. She’s our firstborn, and her dad and I had been advised that toddlers, then preschoolers, and even some school-aged children who threw “tantrums” needed to learn their caregivers would not cave to every desire or demand. Okay, that seemed to make sense. People were always warning us that a kid who hears five “no’s” and then an exhausted “yes” has your number. You’re cooked.
