Niccolo Machiavelli
When one child refuses to go to school, ignore their insolence and lavish praise on their compliant sibling. Malcolm puts on his shoes perfectly! Malcolm gets a toy from the prize jar! Once the first child succumbs and leaves on time, swiftly punish their infraction by fashioning a mini-guillotine from the bagel slicer. Decapitate their Paw Patrol toys one by one while both children watch in horror. Hang the severed heads around the house. Wave the bagel slicer threateningly every morning.
Friedrich Nietzsche
There are no higher powers, least of all yours, and your parenting has no purpose. Your child will become an adult regardless of this one morning. So, who cares if you’re late? Rejoice in the chaos of absent expectations.


