How should I prepare for my first mammogram?
On the day of your exam, don’t apply deodorant or scented lotions. Also, be sure to remove any nipple piercings, nursing children, and/or tiny nipple top hats.
Will I need to arrive early to fill out paperwork?
Yes. We have efficiently limited the pre-procedure paperwork to a short eleven pages by reducing the print to size-seven font. Feel free to grab a pair of readers from the lost-and-found box. Also, be prepared to detail your entire family’s medical history, including your great-aunt Cornelia’s cup size and nipple circumference to the closest quarter inch.
I assume you will then enter all the information into my chart?
The paperwork is purely performative, and we will shred it immediately after you hand it to us. Be prepared to answer all of these questions again. And again. And again.


