REQUIRED ITEMS
- One 750 ml bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey
- A television or any device capable of streaming the debate live
- A sense of resigned masochism that can come only from no longer having any reason to believe that we live in a world where outcomes can be predicted using logic and reason.
THE RULES
Every time Biden makes a moderately self-deprecating joke about his age—but manages to lose the thread and stumble over the punchline—take a drink. You’re going to need it to make it through this nightmare.
Each time Trump waves his freakish little jazz hands and places the emphasis on a random simple adverb at the end of his Gordian Knot of a sentence, consider running to the store for something a little stronger. Possibly Everclear.
Any time it becomes clear that both candidates actually agree on an issue—and that issue is nowhere near the border of your own personal ethical road map—take two shots, because why the hell not? What even is the point of this spectacle?