California sober: No alcohol or drugs except marijuana
New York sober: No alcohol or drugs except cocaine
Kentucky sober: No alcohol or drugs except a cool, tall mint julep on a sweltering July afternoon
Oregon sober: No alcohol if it’s not an IPA
Texas sober: No alcohol except empty beer cans to shoot
Maine sober: No addictive drugs except lobster rolls
Maryland sober: No addictive drugs except crab cakes
Georgia sober: No addictive drugs except whatever Marjorie Taylor Greene is on
Oklahoma sober: No drugs, but I suspect we’d grow amazing pot
Arkansas sober: No alcohol except moonshine
Massachusetts sober: No alcohol, but I still act like an asshole
Illinois sober: Liquor? Ya got it all wrong, copper. This here’s an honest Chicago church hall, see?
Kansas sober: I just eat BBQ until I feel drunk