Hey, thanks so much for coming tonight. I’ve just checked with everyone else at the party, and we’re all in agreement that you behaved really normally and didn’t say anything weird or worrying at all.
Even though your face looks alarmingly like a mole’s in that picture I just tagged you in, at no point in the course of the evening did I look over at you and think, “Wow, she looks like a mole.”
It’s been on my mind and I need to apologize: I’m sorry I didn’t laugh at that joke you made about how your emails should be called “me-mails.” It’s because I was achingly jealous. And just to clarify, re: any other jokes I didn’t laugh at—I didn’t hear them. You were right to repeat the jokes twice.
Let’s hop on a video call this week so you can ask me any questions you have about my offhand comments. I can carve out forty-five minutes to explain what I really meant when I said that thing about your inner child.
[Reassuring platitude.] [Reassuring platitude.] [Reassuring platitude.]



