First things first, I’m the only one in this class allowed to fart. If any of you sods break wind, I’ll break your finger and ship you back to Pilates, where you bloody belong.
All right, fine print’s out the way, let’s dive in. Why don’t we start with a downward dog, yeah? Jesus! I said “downward,” not “put-down.” You want to make sort of an A shape, not fully fellate yourselves.
For the sake of my eyes, let’s move on. Standard forward fold. Just bend over and grab the backs of your knees, the way I do when I meet with the Director General. Brilliant.
Now how ’bout a mountain? Pretend you’ve got a spine, yeah, and stand up real straight and reach way up high—like there’s some actual human potential for you dangling from the ceiling. Fantastic.
Mm, this is a good ice cream cone. Tasty little treat, this.
Where was I? Right, step into a Warrior I. Steady! Looks like I’m not the only one who added a bit of Irish to his coffee this morning. I’m astonished that none of you broke an ankle executing that exceptionally simple maneuver. Bravo.