Hey there, Kinzleigh. Take a seat by my desk, crisscross applesauce. As you may know, this year’s Take Your Child to Work Day coincides with our annual performance review period. We felt it would be right for all employees to be reviewed, no matter how long they’ve been with us or how many teeth they have lost.
Unfortunately, Kinzleigh, after speaking to your manager, a.k.a. “Daddy,” we will need to put you on a PIP, or performance improvement plan.
To begin with, you haven’t joined any of your Sexual Harassment or Diversity in the Workplace live Zoom trainings, even though we forced everyone back into the office five days a week three years ago. We were disappointed, Kinzleigh, as one of the main reasons we recruited you so hard for Take Your Child to Work Day was your ability to bring a lively attitude to Zoom calls, particularly with your past Zoom Call Interrupter role experience from when your dad worked from home.
