“Trump’s newest venture? A $60 Bible. His Bible sales pitch comes as he appears to be confronting a significant financial squeeze, with his legal fees growing while he fights a number of criminal cases and lawsuits.” — New York Times
Genesis
Adam calls his banishment from the garden “very unfair.”
Exodus
Moses descends Mount Sinai with the Second Amendment.
Leviticus
The part about not eating bacon is out. The part about not “lying with another male” stays in.
Numbers
Moses takes a census in order to divide the Israelites into “total losers” and “good friends.”
Judges
All nine go GOP.
1 Samuel
Goliath wins.
2 Samuel
Bathsheba is even hotter. David moves on her.
Job
Donald Job Trump perseveres despite the nation stealing his election and the courts taking all his money.


