Well, we guess the cat’s out of the bag—or as we say around these parts, the door is off the plane: we have been sending aircraft into the sky that are not sky-worthy. Frankly, they’re barely ground-worthy. And you probably heard that the whistleblower who raised all those quality concerns has not at all suspiciously been found dead of a self-inflicted wound. Naturally, people have been asking for our response to these allegations that our planes aren’t safe and should be grounded.
Our response is: stop being a little bitch. We’ve got a new safety policy, and that policy is: fuck it, we ball.
Safety measures are exhausting and expensive. And do we even really need them? Planes basically never crash! Everybody needs to calm down and let loose, as loose as some of the screws on our airplanes. Other aircraft carriers won’t even let you roll down the window. We’re rawdogging the atmosphere. Get on board, or get the fuck out.