The congressman thanked his children for taking care of his many imaginary pets, including a marmot and a python.
Humor / Satire from The Borowitz Report
Other Justices are struggling with the arduous self-regulatory demands of the code of conduct, too.
Americans wondered what sort of adult would deny the outcome of a legitimate election and believe the separation of church and state is a myth.
Responding to a question about Donald Trump’s business dealings, Ms. Trump said, “I’m sorry. I’m not familiar with that person.”
“Many of our poll workers spotted women going into voting booths and literally casting votes,” a G.O.P. operative in Lake County said.
The former Vice-President told reporters he took pride in the fact that his campaign has been funded exclusively by small contributions.
“Someone has to tell her to dial it back a smidge,” Thomas said, of the wife of the new Speaker of the House.
“For years, time travel was the stuff of science fiction,” the newly elected Speaker said. “Now, as I take this majestic nation back four hundred years, I will make that dream a reality.”
The New York representative told his colleagues, “I would be embarrassed to use any credit card with Jim Jordan’s name on it.”
Jordan’s inability to engineer an exit from his own rest room raised fresh questions about his fitness to be Speaker.