Hear ye, My disciples, for I speak upon you a great truth: It has come to My understanding that many of you who would love Me do not understand My true and fearsome nature. And so I say to you thusly: I, your God, the one true God, invented boners.
Verily, I speak it unto you. Every great big massive hard-on to the tiniest little tinge of horniness is My doing. I have created your bodies such that they be beautiful, such that they may live and let live, and it is for such that I did create the boner.
And to this, I say to you: May you live in peace, as the boner joke is also My will. And to this end, butt squeezes between consenting adults, fellatio, and every type of foot stuff, was given to you by Me so that you may be happy and live your best lives, as is the will of your God.
When you made fun of that Jesus statue in your church for having a six-pack, I, the Lord your God, did smile upon you. And every time you masturbate, I am like, “Good for you.”
Reading slutty fanfic is also the will of the Lord. Particularly Twilight fanfic—the Lord likes that especially, though I am firmly Team Jacob.