The Band – A device your physical therapist wants you to use to increase joint flexibility.
Pink Floyd – A nickname for your rosacea.
Deep Purple – The color of your spider veins.
Blur – Your twenties and thirties.
The Smiths – What you call the three couples you socialize with whose names you can’t remember.
The Who – How you respond when someone uses their correct name.
Red Hot Chili Peppers – One of several spicy foods your gastroenterologist recommends you avoid.
Chuck Berry – One of the many cuts of meat your cardiologist says you should eat less; a fruit your endocrinologist says you should eat more.
Tool – Something you can’t find.
Alice Cooper – What you named your daughter; what she named her son.
Led Zeppelin – One of the many kinds of aircraft you refuse to fly in.
Van Halen – How you get a cab because you can’t remember your Uber login.