Dear March,
Listen, I get that you, like all aging singles on OkCupid, have commitment issues. But I’m gonna need you to get some help. Go to therapy like the rest of us. Dig into your childhood issues. Journal. Join July as it works through his insistence on being a wet blanket and hotter than balls simultaneously.
Do whatever it takes.
Last week it was seventy-four degrees. I wore Crocs. So pleasant. A couple days ago it snowed. WTF, March. And this was not the good kind of snow that flirty February offers, but sleet and hail and rain and fog too. There was an icon on my weather app that I had never seen before. That’s how off the rails you are, March. Tim Cook is having to invent new graphics to predict what mayhem you’ll be bringing us next.