A kid texts their mother during a school lockdown.
KID: Mom, a drag queen broke into our school. I love you so much.
MOM: What!? Are you sure it’s real?
KID: Yes, we’re under lockdown now. We barricaded the door and I’m hiding under my desk. Mom, I’m so scared.
MOM: Can you call me? Are you safe?
KID: I can only text. We have to be quiet. They feed off the prepubescent voices of young white boys.
MOM: Okay, honey, stay calm. Remember what you learned in drag lockdown training. It will do whatever it can to lure you with its bronze silicone breasts and brainwash you.
KID: I can hear its stilettos clicking down the hallway. I think it’s close to our classroom…
MOM: Stay completely still, honey. Breathe. Cover your genitals.
KID: There are so many sequins! I can see them reflecting onto the walls.




