“Trump’s erratic trade policies are baffling businesses, threatening investment and economic growth.” — AP
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Tariffs shall apply to all exports unless we have a surplus of certain exports and need to offload. Then we’ll cut you a great deal. You like corn?
Tariffs shall apply to all imports unless more than 50 percent of American children ask for that import for Christmas. Remember: Kids don’t really want loose poutine in their stockings.
If you tariff us after we’ve already tariffed you, we’ll tariff you again. It’ll definitely stop there. Probably.
Tariffs shall apply to all cars not made in the United States unless the cars made in the United States need parts from other countries to legally be considered a car. The same applies to airplanes, but honestly, no one’s keeping track of airplanes.
Tariffs shall not be in effect on April Fools’ Day (To be clear: There’s not not not not not tariffs on April 1.)