If someone’s go-to Fourth of July song is Springsteen’s “Born in the USA,” they’re conservative.
If their go-to Fourth of July song is “American Tune” by Paul Simon, they’re liberal.
If it’s “This is America” by Childish Gambino, they’re liberal, and they’re not celebrating.
If a man is wearing a graphic tee with George Washington riding a bald eagle while wielding an AK-47, he’s conservative, but if the shirt features Ulysses S. Grant punching a bear in the face, he’s liberal.
If a woman is wearing oversized red, white, or blue sunglasses, she’s conservative. If the sunglasses are undersized, she’s liberal.
If a man is wearing a Pepsi-bezel Rolex GMT (the red and blue one with the obnoxiously big bubble on the date), he’s conservative. However, if a woman wears the same watch, she’s liberal. It’s rare but not unheard of for them to be married to each other.
If the party features a tie-dye station, the crowd is 89 percent liberal.