“It’s a little crazy, by the way—especially for women that are like past 50. I’m thinking to myself: I don’t think that’s an issue for you.” — Bernie Moreno, Republican candidate for Senate in Ohio, speaking about women’s concern over abortion rights.
As a forty-nine-year-old woman, I worry about a lot of issues: threats to our democracy, the changing climate, and, of course, abortion rights. That’s why I can’t wait for my birthday when—like all women who reach the age of fifty—I will naturally morph into an unfeeling, cold-blooded lizard being.

