It has recently come to my attention via internet outrage that I am in what is considered a “mixed-weight” marriage. Magazines, podcasts, and CNN are judging women who outweigh their husbands, even though Bridgerton said it was okay.
But internet trolls say that it is absolutely not okay, expressing their disgust in ALL CAPS. So, before my husband hears of this controversy and suddenly realizes I am not as thin as I was when we got married, I’m prepared to prevent him from fleeing using these tricks:


