Dear Whoever Keeps Making My Wife Laugh on Slack,
Enough. It’s just enough already.
Now, listen to me carefully because I’m only going to say this once: your making-my-wife-laugh days are over, buddy. Do you hear me? Over. That means no more memes, no more GIFs, and especially no more company inside jokes that I “just wouldn’t understand.”
First of all, I understand everything. Got that, Carlin?
And second, don’t you have an actual job you should be doing? After all, the last time I checked, it was called “work from home,” not “make my wife laugh from home.” That is, unless your job is to make my wife laugh—in which case, whatever they’re paying you, it’s not enough.
Hey, I have a good idea: You should ask the last guy who used to make my wife laugh on Slack how much he was making. I’m sure he’d be more than willing to help you renegotiate your salary. If you find out who he is, let me know. I’d like to have a few words with him myself—the punching kind.