Fatherhood. One of the great joys of a man’s life, second only to secret fatherhood. Unfortunately, due to the high cost of living, I fear I may never get the chance to start a second family.
What does it say about our current economic climate that a hardworking individual like myself can’t maintain multiple households a few towns apart? Did our Founding Fathers—many of whom had secret children of their own—not declare the pursuit of happiness an unalienable right? Frankly, it’s unconstitutional that rampant inflation is keeping me from achieving paternal inflation.
I have to work multiple jobs as it is just to feed and clothe one family. There’s not a chance in hell I’ll be able to support a second set of children anytime soon, let alone send them to college. Especially since they’d have to go out of state, just to be safe. Don’t need them all ending up in the same media studies class and striking up a conversation about their strikingly similar dads.
