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Have you tried running? It’s exhilarating. Really, I mean it. Running changed my life.
Before running, I’d order pasta without telling everyone I was carbo-loading. But now, I make sure everyone understands that even my food consumption is in service of my new favorite activity. Carbonara just tastes better when you’re lecturing about which glycogen levels best fuel a daily run.
And since getting into running, I’ve bought some truly special specialty gear. I have a full dresser devoted solely to moisture-wicking T-shirts, moisture-wicking leggings, and moisture-wicking socks. Any moisture that tries to come close to me will instantly be wicked. Check out these shoes. They cost two hundred dollars, and the salesperson told me I’ll get shin splints if I don’t replace them every three months. I also bought a special ointment to rub on my nipples.
It’s been so fulfilling to devote myself to becoming good at exercise. The only person I’m trying to beat is me, you know? You don’t know? Don’t worry. I’ll repeat it every opportunity I get so you can never forget it.