“Nearly half of Republicans believe California ‘not really American.’ ” — LA Times
After being jolted awake by yet another earthquake, I take a deep breath and compose myself. Ahhh… the sweet smell of smog. I rise, brew up a pot of fair trade coffee, and inject my arm with the mandatory daily vaccine.
Today is my birthday, and I’m going out with friends to celebrate, but I have some things to do beforehand. First, I need to write my monthly mortgage check: $800,000. But it’s no big deal, because I’m saving tons of money not owning a car thanks to our Supreme Leader Gavin Newsom outlawing them.

