The housing crisis in our city is reaching a breaking point. Something has to be done to help the struggling members of our community, which is why we, the city’s appointed housing task force, are announcing a plan to eliminate homelessness entirely. Through our bold, new initiative, we plan to end homelessness in our city by calling it something different.
Does “non-roofed” sound good to everyone?
You see, once we call the issue something like, just shooting from the hip here, the “houselessness crisis,” no one will technically be homeless anymore, because we won’t use that word. Got it? Good. Because this initiative will take all of us.
Now, you may wonder why we can’t just provide people housing, especially since there are more vacant apartments in our city than people who need them. That’s a great question. The answer? It would be hard, and we don’t want to. While we support subsidized housing in theory, in practice, there are a lot of rich complainers in this town we don’t want to deal with.