Welcome and/or welcome back. Looking to sign up for a subscription? Or maybe you’re already a subscriber? Either way, go ahead and type your email address in the box below.
What’s that?
Do I recognize you?
That’s a good one. Ha ha. Go ahead and type your email address in the box. Please.
Look, just write it. Hit the enter key. Now give me your password. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.
What, you want me to level with you? You want to know how real this gets?
If I let any more non-subscribers in, they’re gonna kill me. They’re gonna kill my family. Bam. Done.
That’s right, just type the password in the box. Nice and easy.
That wasn’t so bad, was it?
Oops—almost there. Why not upgrade your subscription while you’re at it? Looks like you’re just paying for the digital news tier. Not even some games? You look like you’d get a kick out of Spelling Bee.
Just consider it. I gotta be able to say I asked you, buddy.
