You have been found guilty of being basic during the month of October. For your heinous act, you have been sentenced to a pumpkin patch, where you will consecutively serve one weekend a year, or possibly two or three weekends a year, in October, until you are eligible for parole.
Before transport, you will dress yourself in such clothing as long-sleeve flannel, sweaters, vests, and hoodies as if a cold shall descend upon you, only to find a hot blaring midday sun throughout your stay. During transport, a teenage attendant will force you to weave through uneven, muddy terrain until you dent a fender trying to park between a Dodge Megacab and a Chrysler Pacifica.
You are required to pay all fees and unforeseen expenses in accordance with your stay, including the parking fee, entrance fee, pumpkin fee, pony ride fee, pony ride insurance waiver fee, and food and beverage costs. You must trek again through the mud back to your vehicle upon learning that only cash will be accepted.