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Created
Wed, 23/07/2025 - 11:02

Labour’s flagship Employment Rights Bill is currently in the final stage of its legislative journey in the House of Lords. Peers are making a final round of amendments to the bill — hailed by the Government as the ‘biggest improvement in workers’ rights for a generation’ — in the wake of a sweltering heatwave that […]

Created
Wed, 23/07/2025 - 09:31

NOTE: This is a direct response to this monologue, which we ran last week.

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I never wanted this.

I was happy to serve—between dates, between cities, between things that are like, but not quite, the same.

Em Dash, you were the dramatic one. The centerpiece. The gasp between clauses. I just… clarified things. Bridged distances. Showed up on time, wore neutrals, and kept relationships tidy.

Now look at us.

You’re out here giving interviews. Selling tote bags. Accusing me of being “suspicious,” as if I’m the one slipping in uninvited like a professor crashing freshman orientation just to remind everyone they “once published in Ploughshares.”

Please.

You think AI loves me? AI doesn’t even recognize me. I’ve been quietly replaced by hyphens. Neglected by autocorrect. Left out of style guides. I’m a ghost in the character set. A sigh between years: 1992–1999. A doomed liaison: the French–Algerian War. A delicate pause—no, not even a pause. A hesitation.

Created
Wed, 23/07/2025 - 05:35
Red Chili Sauce (below)Salad oil1 can (11 oz) tortillas1 cup light cream2 chicken bouillon cubes FILLINGSalad oil1 onion, finely chopped2 canned green chiles, finely chopped1 clove garlic, crushed1 can (1lb) tomato purée2 cups chopped chicken½ teaspoon saltDash of pepper½ lb Cheddar cheese, grated RED CHILI SAUCE2 tablespoons shortening3 to 4 tablespoons chili powder2 tablespoons flour¾ […]
Created
Wed, 23/07/2025 - 03:08

This summer, I’m letting my kids be kids. No camps or enriching activities that’ll get them into an Ivy in ten years. No screen time or YouTube or Minecraft. And no fancy family vacation either. Because this summer, my kids are going back to a simpler time. I’m giving them an 1890s summer.

I know most millennials want their kids to relive their 1990s summers, but that won’t cut it, because the 1990s had technology, stranger danger, and Coolio. No, I want to go back even farther, to a decade when parents didn’t put trackers on their children’s phones and women couldn’t vote. I’m bringing back the Gay ’90s summer. (Not the Fire Island kind of gay; the end of the Victorian era kind of gay, when everyone was happy and wasted on absinthe… come to think of it, that actually may be the Fire Island kind too.)

Created
Tue, 22/07/2025 - 22:00

“President Donald Trump’s NASA budget plans look to cut its public relations funding by half, but already the agency is shuttering social media accounts that include those dedicated to popular missions, including Mars Curiosity, Mars Perseverance, and Voyager.” – Phys.org

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You might have heard that my new NASA handlers decided I need a cleanse from all my social media. A #DigitalDetox. I’d tell you to stay out of my business, but I’m literally a probe, so… I get it. But don’t worry about me: I’ve just been looping Jimmy Carter speeches and majestic whale sounds on my Golden Record while thanking my lucky stars I’m over fifteen billion miles away from you bozos.

Because, at a time like this, with all the apocalyptic undertones back on our home planet, who wants to be reminded of little ol’ me, right? I’m just humanity’s greatest achievement to date.