I know many Americans are fearful about the state of democracy, but let me be the first educator to say: Don’t worry. We teachers are almost finished with the liberal brainwashing of our nation’s children. Right now, every public school student in America awaits our instructions for a coordinated leftist insurrection, which we’ll deliver just as soon as we get this beef jerky out of the pencil sharpener.
Yeah, it’s teriyaki-flavored, which seems a bit stickier than the flamin’ jalapeño from last week, but really, it’s not a problem. Utter complicity is at hand—the cafeteria will simply remove beef jerky from the à la carte line, just like they removed string cheese, carrots, and other pencil-shaped foodstuffs last semester, and we’ll be back on track with the master plan:
- sharpen pencils
- command brainwashed scholastic mob to compose and unleash millions of pro-DEI op-eds upon the billionaire-owned media
- enjoy transgender communism
Once we find a fine-bristled brush for the really crusty bits, nothing will stand between us and victory. Nothing!


