Since 1988, we at Dippin’ Dots have proudly sold the official ice cream of the future. And ever since, we’ve been waiting for the future to arrive at Little League concession stands and any place that smells like popcorn and feet. But now that the future is here, we regret to announce that we are extremely disappointed.
First and foremost, we are dismayed that fashion hasn’t veered into the cyber-futuristic trends we’d hoped for. Where are the metallic jackets and structured, space-appropriate body suits? Are ’90s JNCO jeans supposed to bring back the ’90s economy? Because here at Dippin’ Dots, we think you look ridiculous.
Candidly, we expected baby names of the future to include a lot more X’s and Z’s. Zephyra or Xera are great names for kids who eat Dippin’ Dots. Instead, your most popular baby name is Noah. What does that say about where society is headed?
This one seems obvious, but computer intelligence was meant to help make your food, not take your jobs. Didn’t you watch Star Trek? AI should make a mean Earl Grey, not bring about the collapse of civilization.