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Created
Tue, 20/05/2025 - 03:00

Hey team. It’s your CEO. I know your time is valuable, so I’ll cut right to the chase: It’s come to my attention that some of you have been bad-mouthing the Giant Plagiarism Machine.

I’d like to remind you that our company policy is pro–Plagiarism Machine. We’re a tech-forward, future-oriented company that doesn’t shy away from the promise of new innovation—even if that innovation is a Giant Plagiarism Machine that copy-pastes existing innovation into fake sentient sentences.

Lately, it feels like some of you aren’t the techno-optimists I took you to be. You’ve been heard uttering slurs like “I’m worried about my job stability” and “I just don’t think it’s positive for humankind,” neither of which sounds remotely optimistic or techno. I’ve even heard shocking reports of teams failing to incorporate plagiarism into their processes, because—I can’t believe I have to repeat this—“it’s not helpful.”

Created
Mon, 19/05/2025 - 22:00

Honey, before you race out the door, don’t forget your backpack and your lunch and your—

Wait. Hold on a second. Back yourself right back in here.

Are those Bermuda shorts?

Don’t you lie to me. Those cuffs are at least an inch thick—you think I can’t see how many times you’ve rolled those legs up? You think I don’t know you’re going to roll them right back down to your dimpled knees the second you leave the house? How stupid do you think I am?

Hold your arms by your side.

Ohhh no, don’t bend over and slouch your shoulders so you look like a gorilla with sciatica, trying to make it seem like those shorts land in an appropriately crotch-adjacent location. You and I both know they’re too long, and they’re only going to get longer as you move around. There won’t be a hint of butt cheek in sight. People will think I let you out of the house that way!

Created
Mon, 19/05/2025 - 18:15

We are fortunate that the three pillars of Tony Benn’s socialism — for the radical democratisation of politics, the Alternative Economic Strategy, and anti-war internationalism — were explored in so many of his articles, interviews, and speeches in Parliament, on demonstrations, at conferences, and on picket lines. Looking around at the world today and the […]