“MAHA for airports: Trump officials pitch mini-gyms, more play areas.”
—Washington Post
Hello, travelers. I’m the airport’s shiny new pull-up bar, and I’m ushering in a bold era of aviation wellness absolutely no one asked for. As my boys, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy and Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., explained at Reagan National recently, airports don’t actually need updated terminals or improved escalators. What they’re truly lacking is optics-driven body-suspension equipment, conspicuously wedged between a Shake Shack and a Hudson News for maximum showboating.



