Once upon a time, success for a company like UnionBustingToxicDeathFactory Inc. was merely turning a profit.
But these days, people want companies that care about more.
Somehow, there is a perception out there that UnionBustingToxicDeathFactory Inc. is just some kind of union-busting toxic death factory. It’s crucial for our planet and our profit that we shift this attitude.
But change won’t be easy.
The microscopic amount of money we recently spent on socially conscious initiatives deeply unsettled our board members.
But we didn’t give up.
We were able to keep the board members in check by ensuring their objectively ludicrous annual bonuses remained exactly the same, using additional profits we made from AI assistants that tell factory employees not to have bathroom breaks.
It goes without saying that the last few years have been hard for everyone.
Even our investors who somehow made an eye-watering profit during the pandemic are still feeling the lingering effects of Zoom Fatigue. There is a justifiable skepticism of big corporations.