The first successful instance of time travel occurred in 2306, when a group of Syracuse University researchers transported Tootsie, a chimpanzee, to the front lines of the War of 1812. The scientists were awarded a Nobel Prize, but despite deftly outmaneuvering the British Royal Navy in the Battle of New Orleans, Tootsie won no military decorations.
Tootsie’s success sparked a wave of further time travel experimentation on science’s usual test subjects, including sheep, goats, and chickens. The demand for subjects was so great that farmers began selling their animals directly to chrono-labs. “Ain’t it just the way, boy, but this runt here’ll be fer time travel,” they’d say, ripping away a piglet their child had reared to send it hurtling through space-time. Such was the cruel reality of farm life.