Q: I haven’t heard anything since my final interview. Who should I contact?
A: Damn, that’s crazy. Wow.
Q: How long will it take to hear back?
A: It will take some time. (If you’re successful.)
Q: And what if I’m unsuccessful?
A: You will know if you’re unsuccessful.
Q: How?
A: You won’t be working here.
Q: Well, yes, but won’t you be telling me that I didn’t get the job?
A: Why would we do that?
Q: Wait. Have I been ghosted?
A: We prefer the term “unworthy of closure.”
Q: What? Why have I been ghosted?
A: It could be that you’re arrogant. It could be that you’re humble. It could be that you’re too boisterous or too quiet. It could be you didn’t ask enough questions or you asked too many. It could be because you brought up working from home too soon. Or too late. It could be your overall personality and dislikability. It could be because you’re obviously pregnant. Ultimately, it’s because you don’t deserve this job, skills-wise or as a human being.
Q: Was there anything I could’ve done?
A: No. But also yes.
Q: That’s confusing. Could you please explain?