Thing with Ketchup, $10.99
What is the “thing” that comes with this ketchup, you ask? Surely you know by now that it doesn’t matter in the slightest, as whatever it is will serve only as a delivery method for your child to get as much ketchup in their mouth as possible before pulling out the completely uneaten thing once they have sucked the ketchup dry. So whether it’s chicken nuggets, French fries, or something more mysterious but probably nontoxic that we found in the back of the kitchen, rest assured that the only person who might actually digest any of it is you, provided you prefer your food drenched in toddler saliva.
$15
Rather than paying us $15 for an entree your child will insist they want until we actually serve it to them, this option has you just give us $15 in exchange for nothing. It saves you from trying to convince your child to eat, and it saves us from throwing out another untouched mini cheese pizza. Win-win.