“The Supreme Court on Monday unanimously restored Donald Trump to 2024 presidential primary ballots, rejecting state attempts to ban the Republican former president over the Capitol riot.” – The Boston Globe
The nation’s temperature is running hot, and tensions continue to flare as US citizens enter an incredibly consequential presidential election year. As such, we feel it is vital that this country’s highest judicial body comes to a decision in this legal matter put before us. After hearing the arguments presented by both sides and considering past precedent, the following ruling is to be upheld:
We, the Supreme Court of the United States, conclude that you do not possess the proper legal authority to simply stop slapping your face with your own hands, while we sarcastically whine, “Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!”