Dear Faculty:
Due to concerns expressed by the students, parents, and staff, you are invited to attend a mandatory emergency mental health fair in the amphitheater on Friday at 4:15 p.m.
Faculty will enjoy complimentary cotton candy, popcorn, and balloons while roving jugglers and mariachis provide entertainment. Renowned motivational speaker Chip Sunshine will guide faculty through a ninety-minute journey of self-discovery titled “Keeping It Together: Reaffirming Your Love for Teaching,” which will remind faculty that students are the lifeblood of this school, and no sacrifice is too great if just one student can find value in their college experience.
- - -
Dear Faculty:
Due to budgetary constraints, we have had to scale back the upcoming faculty mental health fair.
“Keeping It Together for Three More Weeks: How to Think of Your Suffering as Penance for All the Awful Things You’ve Probably Done” will now take place a week from Wednesday in the basement of the main gymnasium next to the room with the broken pool pump. Please note the change of title and location.