Donald Trump lashed out at the “Biden Justice Department,” saying, “Hunter has done nothing to earn an indictment.”
Humor / Satire from The Borowitz Report
“Sadly, the days of shredding civil rights in exchange for ten private-jet flights are over,” the Justice told donors.
The Florida governor’s team is compiling a list of people who are more likable than he is, a roster that runs into the hundreds of thousands.
After a fruitless attempt in Oklahoma to buy enough caviar for their beluga-powered motor home, the couple was forced to reach out to their roster of super-donor friends.
“This offer is doing even better than the Trump N.F.T.s,” a campaign spokesman said.
“It would be great to see a fresh crook in there,” one poll respondent said.
Explaining the decision to reporters, he said, “Elon Musk is an O.K. name, but WTF fits me better.”
With felony counts in the double digits, Trump is well ahead of his closest rival, Ron DeSantis.
“Say you’re in the back room of the campaign office, licking envelopes—someday you could get a job licking any number of things,” the Governor said.
Governor Ron DeSantis said that forced labor would have been “a game-changer.”