Dear Soft Millennial Man,
You’ve been quiet lately, but we know you’re still out there. You’re probably hiding out at Whole Foods until this whole “Is America a dictatorship?” question gets settled. Smart move. Hopefully, this letter reaches you before you stumble through a trapdoor on the internet and the manosphere eats your brain. There are a few things we, heterosexual millennial women, want you to know before it’s too late.
For starters, we apologize for complaining about the mustache you grew for Movember, and for using the term “dad bod” to describe how you look in your swimsuit. We also regret our lackluster support for your hobbies. In hindsight, pickling vegetables and making sourdough starter are two of the more benign things a guy can do with his time. Our bad, Millennial Man.