We are thrilled to announce our upcoming season, which absolutely must dig us out of the red or it will be our last season! But no one is stressed, because ART! We are excited to share this rich and extremely safe collection of shows with you, our patrons.
Hurry now to order your subscription package for next season, so you can be sure to lock in your tickets for five or six times the price of a “day of” rush ticket, which you would absolutely be able to get, because, dear god, we cannot fill these seats. But the more subscriptions you buy, the fewer rush tickets will be available for our poorer, less desirable patrons—so order now!
The Tempest, by William Shakespeare
September 21–October 31
Join Prospero and Caliban as they… okay, look, we know you don’t want to see this, and we don’t want to do it. But it’s public domain so we don’t have to pay any playwrights, and our unpaid intern, Micah, can basically sell this out to school groups, who also don’t want to see it. With any luck, some of you will come, too, because we all know we should like Shakespeare, right? Come feel smart for an evening!